girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
