remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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