She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
