The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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