Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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