You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
