Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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