i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
