remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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