i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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