This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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