Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
