checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
