I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
