Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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