Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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