my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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