Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Less talking, more tequila
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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