This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
