the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
