let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
