We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
