My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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