You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
they're like a gay fantastic four
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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