Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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