Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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