when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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