oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
