My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
