just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize