then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
