she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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