Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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