I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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