omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
