I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize