come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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