Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
