so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
