if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
