OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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