Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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