You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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