If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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