Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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