Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
