I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
