You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
