if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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