She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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