I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
