Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
