what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
