he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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