I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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