Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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