Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
