Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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