You can't motorboat a personality
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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