You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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