Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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