tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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