Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
