when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
