Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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