the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
