If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize