my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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