there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
