is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
