2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
