I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
