You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
