My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
