dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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