I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
