She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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