Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
