he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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