I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
