I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
