apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's blow job season.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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