so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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