That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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